Wednesday Wonder

“Happy work is best done by the man who takes his long-term plans somewhat lightly and works from moment to moment.” – C.S. Lewis in The Weight of Glory

As most of you know, I am a planner. So, the above quote from Lewis makes me rather uncomfortable. Being in the moment is fine and all, but there need to be plans!

I am learning to change how I feel about planning. Lewis’ statement is something I am working on. The fact is, moment by moment is about all I can do some days. Maybe you feel the same.

I have a list of intentions for the year. I am working on them, but they are not carved in stone so I have flexibility in when and how they are achieved. There is flexibility even in what ‘achieved’ might mean. This all goes along with my recovery from perfectionism. I am learning to live with ‘good enough’ at times. Not easy after a lifetime of being a perfectionist.

Living in the moment has become more, dare I say, tolerable, if not enjoyable since my grandson came along. Damon has me living in the moment more often. When I spend time with him, there is only the now, the present moment. And that moment is focused on him and our time together. When playing with Damon there is no schedule of what will happen next. Well, there is the big picture schedule of when he eats and sleeps, but our play time has no schedule, even when I think there will be.

When I go to see Damon, I always bring “Granny’s Bag of Fun.” Damon now knows this big tote bag will always contain something fun that he does not have in his own toy collection or book shelf. Yes, always at least one book because Granny wants him to be a reader. Lately, I have been bringing pieces from a train set and he loves them. They are different from anything he presently has so they intrigue him. Watching him play with them is delightful. But I can’t schedule when he will want to play with them, or for how long. We live in the moment and bounce from toys, books and activities as the whim takes him. Sometimes he wants to show off a new skill, sometimes he just wants to sit, sometimes he just wants to run (that is why at 19 months he has started playing soccer). I never know what is coming and I let him lead. Hard for me. For him, I give up control and go along for the ride.

And every time, wonder happens. It would seem it comes in the not quite knowing what will happen. I plan for play by bringing something, but it isn’t always something he wants to play with at the time. I can’t plan for him. He has to take the lead. Anyone who has ever tried to get a toddler to show someone a particular action when they are not interested in doing so knows this.

Wendell Berry once said, “Unexpected wonders happen, not on schedule, or when you expect or want them to happen, but if you keep hanging around, they do happen.” Ain’t that the truth!

Sometimes the best moments in life, even our greatest achievements, come from just hanging around, or hanging in, long enough. Yes, there are fun moments, interesting moments, great moments, wonder filled moments even, when we schedule things. But hard as this is to say for a planner like me, the most wonder full moments come unexpectedly.

When I was travelling on my own through Scotland, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. And, amazingly, I did not schedule every moment. Most of them, but not all. I can honestly say, just like time with Damon, the best moments, the ones that brought me the most wonder, were usually the unplanned ones. They came from following my interest, or a spark from another activity, or from just having a few moments and an old building in front of me. Maybe Scotland was starting to prepare me for Damon time.

Yes, I still prefer to plan and have things scheduled. But I am learning to go with the flow a little more. To leave myself open to opportunities and possibilities. Yes, there is a to-do list on my desk. No, it often doesn’t have everything crossed off at the end of the day. Sometimes… nothing gets crossed off. And yet, it was a good day. And I wonder how that can be.

There is wonder in our lives. We need only allow ourselves to experience it. It comes in unexpected ways, from unexpected places. It is evidence that the Spirit is still at work in our world. I am convinced that it is the Spirit that helps me live in the moment. For the Spirit blows where it will. And I just need to be open to letting it blow through my day and bring me some wonder.